Shifting from dentist vs. patient to teamwork
Taking even a brief moment to connect can significantly change the trajectory of the appointment and actually save time.
For many patients, dental anxiety is not just about procedures, it is about how they expect to be treated. Past experiences of feeling judged, rushed, or not listened to often sit at the core of dental fear. In fact, research shows that negative memories of dentist behaviour (such as impatience or criticism) are strongly associated with ongoing dental anxiety (Armfield, 2010).
This means that before we focus on techniques, we must first focus on connection.
Why connection matters
Patients do not make decisions about their care based purely on clinical information. They make decisions based on how safe, understood, and supported they feel.
When connection is lacking, patients may:
Become defensive or disengaged
Avoid asking questions
Resist treatment recommendations
Cancel or not return
These behaviours are often misinterpreted as “difficult,” when in reality they are protective responses to perceived threat.
By contrast, when patients feel understood, they are far more likely to:
Engage in discussion
Trust recommendations
Proceed with treatment
Return for ongoing care
Trust before treatment
A key shift in fear-aware care is recognising that trust must come before treatment.
Rather than moving quickly into diagnosis and planning, taking even a brief moment to connect can significantly change the trajectory of the appointment.
Importantly, connection does not require long conversations or small talk. In fact, it can be achieved quickly and effectively through structured communication.
Connection does not require long conversations or small talk. In fact, it can be achieved quickly and effectively through structured communication.
A simple three-step framework
One practical approach to building connection is:
1. Reflect
Repeat or summarise what the patient has said:
“It sounds like you’ve been dealing with this for a while and it’s starting to worry you.”
This demonstrates that you are listening and helps the patient feel understood.
2. Validate
Acknowledge their experience without judgement:
“That makes sense. A lot of people feel that way in this situation.”
Validation reduces defensiveness and normalises their response.
3. Position
Align yourself with the patient’s goals:
“I want to help you get out of pain as comfortably as possible, is it okay if we start with an x-ray so we can work out the best way forward?”
This shifts the dynamic from us vs them to working together.
Why this works
These steps are grounded in psychological principles of trust and rapport. When patients feel heard and validated, their perceived threat decreases, allowing the nervous system to settle.
This has several effects:
Reduced anxiety
Improved communication
Greater openness to treatment
Increased cooperation
It also helps restore a sense of control, which is a key factor in reducing dental fear.
From resistance to collaboration
Many challenging interactions in dentistry stem from a lack of alignment. For example:
The patient wants a quick fix
The dentist wants to provide comprehensive care
Without connection, this becomes a conflict. With connection, it becomes a conversation.
By first understanding what the patient wants, and then aligning your recommendations with that goal, you can guide them forward without confrontation.
The impact on patient experience
Patients may forget much of what is said during an appointment, but they will remember how they felt.
When patients feel:
Listened to
Not judged
Involved in decisions
Supported
they are far more likely to form positive memories of the experience, which influences future attendance and behaviour.
The bigger picture
Connecting with patients is not about being “nice”, it is about being effective. It allows you to:
Reduce anxiety quickly
Improve efficiency throughout the appointment
Increase treatment acceptance
Build long-term relationships
Most importantly, it transforms the experience from something patients feel they must endure into something they feel part of.
When patients feel like they are on the same team as their dentist, moving forward becomes much easier, for both of you.
References
Armfield, J. M. (2010). Towards a better understanding of dental anxiety and fear. Oral Health & Preventive Dentistry.
Roter, D. L., & Hall, J. A. (2006). Doctors talking with patients/patients talking with doctors. Praeger.
Street, R. L., Jr., et al. (2009). How communication heals: Pathways linking clinician–patient communication to health outcomes. Patient Education and Counseling, 74(3), 295–301.
Written by Dr Trent Davidson and Dr Helen Fisher from Mindset Dental in Brisbane, Australia 2026